As i opened the back gate to take the dogs for a walk i heard my phone indicate id received a text message …. i knew what it was about, i just didnt know who from. It would be a close friend or family member i was fairly sure. I walked a little bit then slowed and pulled out my phone, i was right it was daughter Emily. As i typed a reply i almost lost it right there … i felt weak in the legs and caught up in emotion. The tears almost flowed. Morgan noticed it, i must have stopped and pulled the lead, he looked up, he knew something wasnt right. I got it together and off we walked but my thoughts were racing.
Chester is dead !
The first message came thru as i woke and lay in bed 20 minutes earlier…. i was shocked and sad my favorite celebrity had committed suicide. Still I got dressed and ready for the walk, then as i drank my morning juice and went thru my routine of catching up on my overnight emails and the USA stock market, i saw somebody had tagged me on FB … i dont think i even looked, i knew what it was about.
After the walk Linda and i sat and ate breakfast together … i dont think i said much as i read about the events that had unfolded.
Linda suggested maybe i could wear my LP t shirt today as a tribute, earlier when we lay in bed trying to absorb what had occurred, she had commented “wow that makes your tattoo have a lot more meaning now”.
I dont think i gave her much in return, i said very little… i was shocked. And she knows im a deep thinker so probably she cut me some slack.
A couple of my work colleagues mentioned it during the day, but once again i said little … i really couldnt discuss it at length.
Good thing i didnt wear the t shirt i probably wouldnt have coped with others comments.
Late in the afternoon i reposted my story of “how i met Linkin park” on my facebook … it just seemed appropriate.
Off i went to the gym, the day really was normal i didnt change much, and on the outside i probably appeared normal.
After the gym i stood in the kitchen with Linda as she prepared dinner. A few friends had commented on my story and my love of the band. I started to read a few to Linda, but suddenly silence, i couldnt speak … then that was it i started sobbing, i could feel the tears flowing. Here i am grown man clearly shedding a few tears at the death of a celebrity.
Deep down i can be a sympathetic and emotional person, that may surprise some people.
Id lost a friend, or so it felt. Social media allows us to get close to these people. A look into their lives, interviews, daily events, family and often their thoughts. And this was a person i had met, i saw first hand how he could become the centre of attention and light up the room…. somebody with energy.
Selfishly im disappointed i will never hear him sing live again … but how sad it must be for his family and friends, im not sure how you cope. I guess you just have to … theres no choice.
Celebrity suicides highlight the issue but this happens all around us to supposedly normal people.
To understand i guess means also being in that dark place, and none of us wish to go there. Supposedly happy people that clearly deep down arent really that way. Chester was obviously hit hard by his good mate Chris Cornell taking his own life a few months ago, but he saw first hand the impact it had on the people around him. So why do this to your own family ? It seems that in this situation there are other priorities.
The band said he spoke positively about the future, so it seems they were blindsided like everybody else… back in february Chester said in an interview that being a celebrity doesnt automatically mean your life is good. “you dont suddenly get a card in the mail that says everything is ok” or words to the same is how he spoke.
So many questions and very few answers ! Linkin Park’s latest album was different than their previous work, an evolution from where they started but many who loved the first two albums “hybrid theory” and “meteora” hated the change, and they voiced their opinion through social media … and opinions are fine but the next level are the “haters”.
Nowadays they have a voice … sporting icons, musicians, football teams all bear the brunt of this breed. Like who would want to be coach of an aussie rules team not going well ? beware your own supporters (they think they are) cos they are the most savage and critical. The coach has no idea, the selectors are dikheads and get rid of the president, yer that will fix everything. Oh dont forget the umpires, they are the biggest curse of all.
Im going out on a limb here but im thinking in most cases these people are underachievers themselves.
To be in the public eye requires some resilience … a thick skin to be able to ignore this stuff.
Did this effect Chester ? who knows ? maybe the people close to him can provide an insight.
What a tragedy for everybody … as i said family and friends just have to cope, fans are heart broken and reports say 2 fans committed suicide because they couldnt handle it.
Some people fight with everything to live, while others seem to give up on life. How do we help these people ? it often seems they are on a mission and reluctant to take another direction.
The only way id say is to help them through … there are plenty of decisions we make on this journey that seem right at the time, but when we look back we think well maybe i could have done that differently. We have to help them get through to that point i guess to where they see the world in a positive way.
Easy to say because clearly the signs arent easy to recognise. Talk about things, bring out your feelings is the common advice.
Ive certainly showed my inner feeling with this story … ive put it out there, and just taking the time to script this story helps me feel better. Dont worry im fine, no need to worry about me !
Ive always tried to look forward, use the positive experiences or influences people have on you as an inspiration to move forward.
Remember the good things they have done for you as an inner strength.
Chester is one of those people, somebody i didnt know who was a positive influence and really did feel like a friend.
Average Jim 